OT but funny (long)

The History of Liberals and Conservatives

The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some
10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans coexisted as
members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal
innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of
the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and
Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, so
it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were
drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live off
conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work
like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal
movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group
therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that the
conservatives provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that time
because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed
them.

Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on
earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white wine
or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and french food are on liberal menus. Their women have more
testosterone than the men. Liberals like deviant sex and want others to like it
too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group
therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in
baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks,
construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives,
soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside
government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want
to work for a living.

Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and
decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just stayed
in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

Conservatives have principles, believe in a Creator, and the rule of law. They
practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their churches. When in
doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the Constitution, which they
use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe in the concept of
truth.

Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing
production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as the
Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because they always
do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They have no standard of
reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat
cultivates a field of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a portion
of stolen tax money which they vote away from conservatives.

Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own guns
and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They provide
guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other foreign
criminals.

Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They disarm
conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with guns.
King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the rule of Law,
had no principles except their own self indulgence, and attempted to tax and
govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG government. They think the United
Nations is the ultimate answer.

Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries, convict
common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by
liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals from other
countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know the difference
between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some liberal
from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed
statutes, and don't explain their reasons.

Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the
privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on juries,
liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common criminals.
Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything except chaos,
and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it against the law to
reference any source of law such as the Bible or Constitution. Like other
liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them. Judge
Roy Bean is their model.

The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A
hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the
owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and
inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your
master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sum***** ain't been born yet".

So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?


-Dave-
YZ 125
WR 200
TSCEC # 432
RMEC # 3030

Good stuff.
--
Rick
2000KX250
1993KX250
1992XR100
"Dave Sparkman" <dsparkx2.RemoveThis@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040317122719.12501.00006794@mb-m04.aol.com...
 > The History of Liberals and Conservatives
 >
 > The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred
some
 > 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans coexisted as
 > members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
 >
 > In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This
epochal
 > innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion
of
 > the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and
 > Conservatives.
 >
 > Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
 > agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been
invented, so
 > it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how villages
were
 > formed.
 >
 > Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they
were
 > drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
 >
 > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live
off
 > conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's
work
 > like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
liberal
 > movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women.
 >
 > Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group
 > therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that
the
 > conservatives provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that
time
 > because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed
 > them.
 >
 > Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on
 > earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
 >
 > Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white
wine
 > or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done.
 > Sushi, tofu, and french food are on liberal menus. Their women have more
 > testosterone than the men. Liberals like deviant sex and want others to
like it
 > too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.
 >
 > Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group
 > therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in
 > baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
 >
 > Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide
for
 > their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber
jacks,
 > construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives,
 > soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside
 > government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who
want
 > to work for a living.
 >
 > Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and
 > decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are
 > more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just
stayed
 > in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
 >
 > Conservatives have principles, believe in a Creator, and the rule of law.
They
 > practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their churches.
When in
 > doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the Constitution, which
they
 > use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe in the
concept of
 > truth.
 >
 > Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing
 > production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as
the
 > Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because they
always
 > do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They have no
standard of
 > reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a
cat
 > cultivates a field of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a
portion
 > of stolen tax money which they vote away from conservatives.
 >
 > Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own
guns
 > and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They
provide
 > guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other foreign
 > criminals.
 >
 > Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They disarm
 > conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with
guns.
 > King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the rule of
Law,
 > had no principles except their own self indulgence, and attempted to tax
and
 > govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG government. They think the
United
 > Nations is the ultimate answer.
 >
 > Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries,
convict
 > common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by
 > liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals from other
 > countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know the
difference
 > between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some
liberal
 > from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not enforce
bone-headed
 > statutes, and don't explain their reasons.
 >
 > Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the
 > privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on
juries,
 > liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common criminals.
 > Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything except
chaos,
 > and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it against the law
to
 > reference any source of law such as the Bible or Constitution. Like other
 > liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them.
Judge
 > Roy Bean is their model.
 >
 > The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A
 > hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the
 > owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and
 > inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate
your
 > master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sum***** ain't been born yet".
 >
 > So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?
 >
 >
 > -Dave-
 > YZ 125
 > WR 200
 > TSCEC # 432
 > RMEC # 3030<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->