LOLOLOL... I just got a new Indian motorcycle. get it? teepees?!?
I was riding along the East Village again. but on my new motorcycle.
yes I got tired of the Honda and traded it in for an Indian. my
russian associate from brighton beach. he had an indian motorcycle
that "fell off the truck" if you know what I mean.
he told me "all of the paperwork is taken care for" so what the hell?
I bought it for another $9,000 which I will owe him cause he was nice
enough to let me have a small personal loan.
luckily he had his truck there in the city for me and I just wheeled
up my Honda. and wheeled down the Indian. this was the easiest trade
in I have ever done in my life. it kind of reminded me of that old Spy
Hunter game! LOLOLOL!
you can't bye a new motorcycle and not go for a spin. right? so I did.
I headed out for a spin in my new boots and my new motorcycle. it just
feels so god to have new stuff all the time. you know?
I was just enjoying the sites and sounds and everything.
I decided to get a little crazy and make it to the west side highway.
when heading out on the highway I think you should be prepared. new
boots. check. new motorcycle. check. get your motor runnin'. check.
the west side highway is not quite a highway. it is more like a large
boulevard. with beautiful lawns and pink flamingos. I pulled off a
couple of times in the cul de sacs and practiced my shifting a little
more becuase this new Indian was a little tricky. never trust an
Indian's injun! LOLOLOLOL! then a cop came and told me to leave
because my straight pipes were annoying the neighborhood. LOL!
I didn't realize it but wow this "Indian" is loud! just like the ones
that open casinos all over the place it doesn't care for the white
mans laws.
so I left the area and started heading north. I wanted to stop but
forgot how to downshift again so I kept going and going and going.
finally after almost missing a few cars when I went through the red
lites I remembered and stopped. phew!
while I was waiting at the lite I reved the gas a little. wowowowow!
this thing is "LOUD"! I am really liking this annoying thing. I can't
wait until the late summer nites when I can go cruising and hear my
pipes booming off of the skyscrapers and dead end alleys. vrooom!
while I was waiting at this light to turn I was all the way at the
crosswalk line. this hooker starts walking by and she's checking me
out.
she reaches over the engine and turns it off! funny it took me fifteen
minutes to find where to put the key and she just figured it out. like
that! that's no stupid whore! while the engine was off she starts
telling me how hot she thinks this bike is and how she'll do me for a
reduced rate. she was really hot. like charlize theron hot. I don't
know why but I said ok and she jumped on the back. she didn't seem
like an addict or anything like that. she looked more like an actress
that's running low on cash and this is what she does. by now the lite
had already turned green and the cars were honking so I was real
nervous. I started the bike and stalled the engine a couple of times.
I never rode with a pasenger before. I was afraid.
we finally got underway and I took off a little slow. luckily the
angry impatient asshole in the cadillac SUV behind me bumped me a few
times and on the third bump it was timed just perfect with my dumping
of the clutch and we took off without stalling.
I couldn't balance rite with the added weight in the back. she said it
was not so far to go. ok. I took the side streets again and
paddlefooted the few blocks to where she said she kept an apartment.
these Indian motorcycles get really top heavy and wobbly when you put
a passenger on back. are all motorcycles like this? I don't think I'm
going to have a good time with carrying my wife around if this is how
it goes.
we got off the bike around hell's kitchen. I parked it on the street.
DAMN it looked good just sitting there. now I know why she was hitting
on me and offered a reduced rate!
we went upstairs to her apartment and she drew the curtains closed. it
was nice and dimly lit. I liked it and was getting horny. LOLOLOL!
she undid my pants and started sucking on my cock. then she started
throttling it like a motorcycle and going "vrooom vroooooom!" while
sucking the tip of the head. except the "v" sounded more like an "m".
I never had anything like that before so I just came immediately.
these pros really know what they're doing! LOL! immediately she
stopped and told me I owed her $80. to clean myself up and leave. but
I said I wanted more and I just came!
she told me it would be another $250 for more. I knew I was running
low on cash and Yuri would be coming by next week for the first
payment but he'd understand if I was low a few hundred. Yuri is a nice
guy. I always notice his trunk is full of something cause that poor
BMW rear is always sagging. he tells me that's nothing. he is just
bringing more food to the orphans in Russia. he is a good guy that
Yuri. so I'm sure he would understand if I was a little short next
week. I gave her the other $250 and we continued. She took her clothes
off. damn she was hot! she left the panties on and we got in bed. I
was still flaccid from before so I started playing with her tits. then
I reached around and put my hand down her panties and that's when it
happened....
I felt a penis! OH MY GOD! this was just like that crying game movie
except instead of throwing up I got another erection! I was probably
so scared the blood rushed down there by mistake. I jumped off of the
bed and started screaming. and yelling that I wanted my money back.
then these five gay guys jumped out of the closet and started making
fun of what little clothing I had on and hitting and kicking me. there
was a fat one with a lot of mascara who looked kind of like Sarah
McLaughlan. he was dressed up in a latex nazi uniform and was spanking
me with a riding crop. he was hitting me the hardest.
I tried to break free but these were the kind of gay guys that spend
all day at the gym so they can take their shirts off in the nightclubs
and look real good to each other. like men need an excuse to have more
gay sex. they were really strong for a bunch of gay guys hiding in the
closet.
luckily while I was being pummeled I caught a glimpse of some
astro-glide sitting on the night table. it was really bad, I was
lapsing into and out of consciousness. but I grabbed the bottle and I
rolled onto my back with my legs up in the air and sprayed it all over
myself. it didn't take long after for them to accidently work it all
over while they were pummeling me. soon I broke free when they lost
their grip.
I ran out of there half naked. luckily there was this homeless guy
outside and I offered him a fiver for some of the clothes he had in
his mailcart. he told me to go fuck myself. that he wouldn't take less
than a twenty. he actually asked me "what do I look like, a bum!".
LOLOLOLOLOL! only in NY!
I didn't know what else to do so I grabbed an empty of Thunderbird he
had laying around and clocked him over the head with it. I felt bad so
I stuck the five spot in his pocket and took the clothes. hopefully he
would find it when he came to. I put the clothes on and ran towards my
bike to get the hell out of hell's kitchen. I started it up and tried
to take off but I was so worn out from the gay guys that I didn't have
any control over my friction zone anymore. finaly after stalling the
engine I gave up and pushed the bike home. I never thought I'd be so
happy to see my bar-b-que again and I parked the bike.
that's when I realized some little fuck had smeared dog shit all over
my controls and footpegs while I was upstairs with the she male. it
was on the brake levers. the grips. all over! I didn't notice it when
I was in a rush to leave but I couldn't get the smell out of my
fingers and new booties no matter ho hard I washed them.
I had to throw away my new boots and shower twice to get the smell of
the dog shit and homeless dude off of me.
does anybody know where I can sell my bike? maybe Yuri still has my
Honda and I can get it back but first I need to make at least $9,000
so I can pay him. right now I'm thinking ebay so they pay me before
they come out and smell what it smells like.
Tom, formerly of the Diabetic Diatribe
--
"I'm a wabbit fucker, a meeen peewee sucker, with a nasty habit,
DWILL DA WABBIT! DWILL DA WABBIT!"
in da burning wight, I felt it scweeming through my thighs
Cockmeat and head, another wabbit's walking fuwwy..."
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